Yes, your cat is a psychopath (and How to Deal With It). If you tumbled down the stairs, your kitty is a lovely, cuddly bundle of purr who would almost probably devour you.
We don't say "depraved indifference" very frequently, but when we do, it's usually in relation to a cat. Anyone who has interacted with a house cat of any breed understands why they have a reputation for being soulless manipulators: they stare at you with the blank-faced serenity of a serial killer, usually while doing something chilling like purposefully pushing prized figurines off a shelf or casually attempting to murder your other pets. The Internet is rife with compilation videos of poor cat behavior, but we don't need proof. The distinguishing characteristic of the typical domestic feline is aloof contempt.
Another reason we're so quick to label our felines as psychopaths? They do not have many facial muscles. A cat's blank look isn't because they're about to go all Patrick Bateman on you—because it's cats communicate in other ways, such as with their tails, ears, and other body language.
But just because your cat is a deep ocean of secrets doesn't mean they're not trying to murder you in your sleep and steal money from your bank accounts to buy sardines and felt mice. Cats, it turns out, are psychopaths, according to scientific evidence.
The cat's development
Cats not only exhibit the usual qualities linked with psychopathy (selfishness, callousness, and the "remorseless use of others," a phrase so apt when describing cats that it's almost terrifying), but these actions are also likely the outcome of evolution. The study entailed developing a scientific standard for detecting psychopathic behavior in cats, followed by a series of questions posed to several hundred cat owners. The responses painted a rather clear image of a typical house pet that we should certainly avoid having in our homes—apparently allowing a cat into your home is on par with bringing vampires in for cocktails.
The researchers hypothesized that psychopathic behaviors in ancient cats provided them with greater access to resources such as food, water, and warm human laps. These psychological qualities also made ancient cats more suited to a solitary lifestyle, an evolutionary trend that has now backfired as we routinely capture cats and keep them in our houses, only to grow irritated when they don't lounge about being adorable 24 hours a day.
How to Handle Your Cat's Behavior
If psychopathy is the defining feature of cats, humanity's defining attribute is definitely amiable stupidity, because we're a species known for doing horrible things to ourselves. Enabling these furry little psychos into our homes means allowing them to do things like gaze at us while we sleep, scratch our cherished things to hell, and get into fur-flying bouts with each other that sound like something out of a horror movie. So, since we can safely assume that no one reading about this study will do the sensible thing and evict their cats (I myself have five cats and would not evict them even if I found bomb-making materials hidden in one of their hiding places, possibly because I am enslaved by a parasitic infection), how can you effectively deal with some of their most psychopathic (and sometimes legitimately dangerous) behaviors?
First, perform a health check. Many of the unpleasant behaviors that cats exhibit are the result of bodily or emotional anguish. If your cat is suddenly yowling a lot, being particularly destructive, or going to the potty outside its litter box, take it to the doctor to rule out sickness. You might also see a veterinary behaviorist (also known as a Cat Therapist) to see whether they are suffering stress or other triggers that are causing the undesired behavior.
Second, contrary to common opinion, it is very possible to train your cat. Cats' independent spirit and uncooperative temperament have been greatly exaggerated—by combining gentle deterrents (such as noise or a water bottle) and incentives, you may change your cat's behavior to be less crazy antagonistic. But, while the work is definitely worth it, it takes time. In the meanwhile, here are some tips for coping with psychotic cat behavior.
Tripping
Cats have an odd desire to snake between your legs as you walk, and the more liquids and breakables you have in your possession, the more they appear to strive to trip you. This can be risky, especially if you're walking up or down stairs at the same time. Here are a few ideas to help you survive:
Control access: Use pet/baby gates to restrict your cat's access (for example, to the stairs), reducing their opportunity for attempted murder.
Stealth is your cat's best friend, just like it is for any wannabe killer. Use an old-school bell and collar to thwart their goals, and at the very least, you'll be informed when the beast moves.
Fighting
Psychopathic cats aren't simply a danger to you; they can also be a danger to your other pets, even other cats. To avoid trips to the vet after bleeding scrapes, make sure all of your pets have clear territories and properly regulate resources such as food. Giving each cat in your house its own food dish may seem like a good idea, but it can lead to aggressive cats constantly intruding more timid animals' areas in order to rob their food, thus having established mealtimes helps prevent pet-on-pet aggression.
Scratching
Cats have razor-sharp claws and walnut-sized brains, so cat owners are typically resigned to bleeding scratches that they wear as badges of pride. An aggressive cat, on the other hand, may be harmful, since a scratch to your eyes or other sensitive regions can cause serious damage. A few pointers:
Deter them when they're young: Because kitten claws are so little and harmless, we frequently promote scratchy behavior because we find their little bursts of fury amusing. Resisting the temptation to itch and discouraging it as early as possible can save you ER visits in the future.
Look for potential triggers. Despite the popular belief that cats are psychos, violent behavior in cats is typically triggered—even if the triggers don't always make sense to us. Petting them for an extended period of time or encouraging rough play might result in an attack. You can attempt to avoid the trigger if you see and recognize it.
Pheromones are an option. Pheromone-based items can occasionally help; often available in the shape of air fresheners that plug into a wall outlet, these devices emit soothing pheromones into the air, which can lower your cat's agitation and the resulting drive to scratch your eyes out.
Use toys to redirect. Cats enjoy scratching things. If your cat likes to scratch you, consider offering them a substitute—a large plush toy of some kind is perfect for a cat to get out its aggressiveness.
Vocalization
"Vocalization" is a fancy name for "waking you up six times a night with demonic yowling." While not immediately threatening, disrupting your sleep will have a long-term detrimental impact on your health. Among the approaches to dealing with this behavior are:
Pay special attention to them. Cats who yowl at night are frequently bored, and as psychopaths, they find nothing wrong with waking you up for some amusement. Giving your psychopath some play time right before bedtime might wear them out and fulfill their nocturnal drive to play.
Staying stoic. Whatever you do, don't encourage your cat's vocalization by getting up and giving it what it wants—food, petting, or the passwords to your financial apps. This will temporarily calm them down, but it will also teach them that the behavior works.
Provide them with mild deterrents. You should never physically reprimand a cat (remember, cats have walnut-sized brains and frequently have no idea what they are doing), but negative consequences can change their behavior. A squirt of water on a vocalizing cat will gradually educate them not to do so.
There's no denying that cats can be jerks. However, given that around 4% of people are sociopaths and we don't stress out about it, we should be able to live with a certain amount of psychopathic behavior in our feline pals. Alternatively, start considering your cat's care and feeding as a series of sacrifices to a scary monster, and consider each day you don't wake up dead as a blessing.
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SOURCE: lifehacker
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