Never before have we witnessed such a horrible National Cookie Day celebration.
Although Thanksgiving has passed, the season of indulging in sweets has just just begun. National Cookie Day—because everything has a national day now—is on December 4, and Subway, a sandwich restaurant that sells chocolate chip cookies alongside sandwiches, is celebrating with a variety of limited-time cookies. And those cookies are truly unique.
The restaurant known for its footlong (or almost footlong) sandwiches is now branching out into footlong (or nearly footlong) cookies. According to a press release, a Subway shop in Miami will serve four types of sub-sized cookies, each inspired by the sandwiches on the chain's Subway Series menu, for one day only.
The Subway Cookie Club is the first. Consider it a tiered club sandwich with cookies. It's a double chocolate cookie topped with vanilla icing and extra cookies. Sprinkles, chocolate sauce, and raspberry sauce appear with chocolate chip, white chocolate macadamia, and raspberry cheesecake.
If just reading that makes your blood sugar spike, try the somewhat less fatty MexiCali, which was inspired by the sandwich of the same name. It's a sugar cookie with dulce de leche, mole, corn nuts, white chocolate sauce, ground coffee, Tajn, and espresso chips on top. Actually, this may be just as good as the one before it.
The Monster is a double chocolate cookie smeared in peanut butter and topped with peanut butter cups, Reese's pieces, butterscotch chips, and pretzels, as well as chocolate and white chocolate sauces. I'm not sure how this relates to The Monster sandwich, which has beef, bacon, cheddar, green peppers, red onions, and ranch, yet Subway calls them both "beasts."
The Great Pickle, inspired by Subway's The Great Garlic sandwich, is maybe the oddest item. The Great Pickle, in sharp contrast to its cookie siblings, takes a sugar cookie and coats it with peanut butter and marshmallow crème before topping it with pickles, bacon, and potato chips. The pickle is the cookie's "star ingredient," according to the press announcement (We know a thing or two about that.)
Needless to say, this offer appears to be more about creating hype than substantively extending Subway's dessert menu. Reading Subway's description of these cookies is like listening to an actress in New York describe what they do for a living: "I sing, and I dance, and I act, and I model, and I write, and I produce, and I have a webseries, and I do TikTok, and I do improv, and I'm getting my yoga certification."
Customers will turn up for these showy cookie boats out of morbid curiosity, I expect the entire day will go somewhat like this. Everyone will take one taste and pucker their lips. They will then toss out the remaining 8 inches of the cookie since they will be unable to finish it, and the rats will have a field day.
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