There is frequently an underlying cause for assignment Refusal
Raising teenagers is difficult. They still rely on you for their daily requirements, but they also have their own minds, so while you can nudge them in certain areas, there is only so much you can do if they refuse to do something. When it comes to academics, you can teach children the value of hard work and set a good example of meeting duties, but if they refuse to study or do their assignments, your alternatives are limited. Of course, you can take away their phone or bar them from visiting their buddies, but there's a chance they'll dig in their heels nevertheless (while ruining your relationship in the process). What can you do if a teenager refuses to do their homework?
There is generally a cause behind this
In general, most children, including teenagers, want to succeed. However, if something is interfering (for example, uncertainty about the directions, difficulty with the subject, or a problem with their capacity to focus), they may believe it is better to simply refuse to do it rather than confess that they are struggling. It's our obligation as parents to figure out what's going on, even if all you get from them are monosyllabic responses and eye-rolls.
"As adults, we have to get curious to figure out what's underneath," said Elaine Taylor-Klaus, creator of Impact Parents and author of The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety, and More. On the surface, what appears to be rejection may be a teenager shutting down because they are being asked to accomplish something that feels too huge, tough, or impossible, to the point where refusing to perform the work, even with the repercussions, appears to be the easier alternative. "Ambiguity can actually shut down our kids," Taylor-Klaus explained.
This is especially true if they have previously been made to feel ashamed or uncomfortable for asking for help, whether as a result of seeing their classmates complete the task with ease, a teacher who hasn't been particularly helpful, or parents who are too far removed from the work to remember how difficult it can be. This is also true if a teenager is a perfectionist, because not doing something is less frightening than doing something poorly. "Failure to complete assignments is a symptom," Taylor-Klaus explained. "We want to figure out what's causing it."
Whether your adolescent is having serious issues with arithmetic or reading, or is struggling to stay focused or organized despite their best efforts, consult with their pediatrician to determine if they need to be checked for dyscalculia, dyslexia, ADHD, or other curable illnesses. If the problems are caused by an underlying disorder, diagnosis and therapy will provide techniques to assist their individual needs while also offering much-needed context for their difficulties.
Teen independence is divided into four stages
By the time your child reaches adolescence, they will have reached the age when they must take responsibility for their own work. As Taylor-Klaus frequently advises parents, the process of gradually becoming independent has four phases: Phase 1 is director mode, when parents set the agenda; Phase 2 is collaborator mode, when parents and children collaborate to solve problems; Phase 3 is supporter mode, when children come up with solutions to problems while parents provide support; and Phase 4 is cheerleader mode, when parents stand on the sidelines cheering their children on.
As Taylor-Klaus points out, a parent-teenager relationship frequently shifts between collaborator and supporter mode, depending on how much assistance they require for a given task. "We want to work with them to solve problems, to help them succeed, and to be a part of their own solution," Taylor-Klaus said. "As parents, we have a tendency to just throw a solution at them."
If your kid is having difficulty completing their coursework, you can aid them by either cooperating to discover the challenges and how to fix them, or by supporting them by offering to contribute assistance to whatever solution they've identified. This could include devising an organizing system to help them remain on track, arranging for extra tutoring to assist them with a subject they're struggling with, or checking in with them on a regular basis to see how their development is going and offering any assistance they may require. The key is to ensure that they are actively involved in their own achievement. "They need to feel like they own it," Taylor-Klaus says.
#Homework #Teens #Parenting #ADHD
SOURCE: lifehacker
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