Roleplaying and reading sexual books can assist you in determining (and embracing) your interests
We all know that communication is the foundation of every successful love relationship, and this includes how we express our wants and aspirations in the bedroom. So, what makes filthy discussion feel so...awkward? As straightforward as it may appear in movies and porn, filthy language does not always flow as freely as it does during those hot onscreen pairings. Many of us stammer, stutter, freeze up, or are too humiliated to attempt.
According to Rachel Sommer, Ph.D., professional sexologist and co-founder of My Sex Toy Guide, it's usual for individuals to feel this way about dirty discourse. "Some people enjoy it, and some people despise it," she explains. "Most individuals attribute it to their upbringing, where they were taught what nasty words were and why they should not be accepted. People are hesitant to embrace change."
And that's a shame, since dirty chat may improve your sexual connection. "The beauty of dirty talk is that it allows you to discover more about your partner's likes and dislikes," Sommer explains. "Think about it this way: You need to have an open talk about the boundaries and regulations that will govern your newfound kink. Both parties express what they are and are not comfortable with. This allows you to understand more about each other's desires, which you can then include during sex for an even more pleasant encounter."
Sommer suggests viewing foul conversation as a sort of foreplay. "Even though you'll ultimately touch each other physically, a 20-minute filthy chatting session may get your engines going long before you're ready for the action."
Do you want to know how to talk filthy with confidence instead of seeming completely awkward? Continue reading for some of Sommer's finest advice.
Play a roleplaying game
For individuals who are timid, performing character roles that correspond to your deepest desires may make talking filthy a bit less awkward.
"Roleplaying is a terrific way to integrate nasty discourse into your sex life without having to take full responsibility for your words and actions," Sommer explains. "Moreover, roleplaying pushes you beyond of your comfort zone, allowing you to explore and experiment with things you may not ordinarily have." So become creative with your spouse and simulate a tantalizing scene together to relieve stress.
Discuss sexy texts or films with your lover
You may have scoffed at the Fifty Shades of Grey fad, but there is something there that can teach you about seduction and obnoxious language. Sommer suggests Beyond My Control: Forbidden Fantasies in an Uncensored Age and Forbidden Flowers: More Women's Sexual Fantasies.
Reading erotic novels with your partner also helps you each understand more about the other's turn-ons and, according to Sommer, may give "new ways to make the encounter exciting and hilarious." After all, sex is intended to be playful as well.
Practice nasty conversation on your own
If you're not yet comfortable talking nasty in front of your spouse, you may start by speaking dirty phrases out loud to yourself first. Think about what gets you excited and what you want to experience in bed. Sommer suggests experimenting with new terms, even if they make you feel uneasy at first.
Breaking taboos is also acceptable, she says. "Remember, [as a woman], it's appropriate to be turned on by phrases like 'slut' and 'whore,' which males have used to demean women." It's about reclaiming the words, owning them, and utilizing them in whatever way seems right to us."
Each other's limits must be respected
Sommer believes that knowing and respecting your partner's boundaries is the best tip for successful filthy chat. "Understanding each other's turn-ons and turn-offs ensures that the sessions are tailored to you, improving the likelihood of success," she explains. "It's not about number, but about quality." The most true hero in bed isn't the one who dumps a series of filthy remarks, but the one who dumps a series of raunchy phrases."
But what if your partner's nasty talk isn't really getting under your skin?
"I'd suggest bringing it up with them. You may agree to make it sweeter or better; you take the lead and guide them into doing what you want done to you."
Also, keep in mind that practice makes perfect. Concentrate on what you want to say and hear in bed and express it to your spouse in whichever way feels nice and sensual to you. A little stumbling is OK while you sort things out.
"Give it a chance, but expect some discomfort," Sommer advises. "It is, after all, a fresh experience."
#DirtyTalk #TalkDirty #Sex
SOURCE: lifehacker
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