The goal is to retain connection while broadening your concept of enjoyment
Everybody wants sex to be enjoyable and painless, not simply orgasmic. Unfortunately, some vulva owners find that to not always be the case. Pain that occurs during or after sex, or dyspareunia, can arise for a variety of causes. Tyomi Morgan, a licensed sexologist and pleasure coach, says that endometriosis, cysts, fibroids, a trauma-induced tight pelvic floor, or even hormones, can cause discomfort during sex.
When sex doesn't seem enjoyable, the desire to engage just isn't there, according to her. "A number of physiological and mental health conditions can carry the symptom of painful sex along with them," she adds. "Sexual fulfillment takes a back seat when health conditions need to be managed."
Morgan suggests visiting a doctor if you're having painful sex if it persists and affects how you communicate with your spouse or how you feel about yourself. Before understanding the underlying reason of the discomfort, she advises against self-diagnosing and self-treating.
But does sexual activity have to end entirely? If the discomfort is persistent, Morgan claims that penetrative intercourse can be avoided, but that sexual activity should not end. In the process of figuring out the root reason of painful sex, she explains, "Outercourse and oral sex are still feasible alternatives to participate with. A few instances of sexual activity that doesn't require penetration include kissing, massage, indulging in fetishes or kinks, reciprocal masturbation, and playing with non-penetrative toys.
According to Morgan, expanding one's perception of what sex is like is crucial to sustaining a fulfilling sexual relationship. For this reason, she suggests the following positions that might lessen discomfort during sex.
Spooning Potition: The spooning position is when both parties are lying on their sides with the receiving partner facing the penetrating partner's back, simulating spoons resting inside of each other, according to Morgan. This posture promotes delicate strokes during penetration and is wonderful for snuggling.
Plank Position: According to Morgan, the receiving partner should lie on their stomach with a cushion under their pelvis and their legs slightly apart to allow for simple penetration. "As their spouse lies comfortable, the entering partner straddles their legs and slowly massages them. The person on top can softly press further into the vagina by lifting and supporting their partner's pelvis with their hands.
Face-to-Face: According to Morgan, "both partners face each other, the penetrating partner on top and the receiving partner on the bottom." The legs of the partner doing the receiving might be raised, wrapped over the other person's waist, or bent with the feet flat. Synchronized breathing and eye-gazing can promote calm and deeper connection.
Oral sex: Since oral sex doesn't involve penetration, it's a perfect alternative for people who find having sexual contact difficult. You may test out a variety of positions, ranging from missionary oral sex to 69-ing. You may even be amenable to anal play. With your companion, try them all out to see which one suits you the best.
Morgan advises utilizing sex toys with your spouse, particularly ones that stimulate the clitoris, when penetration is not an option. It's like a cheat code for erection, she claims, to stimulate the clitoris head with a suction device or a buzzy vibe. "Engorgement happens and arousal intensifies as a result of externally stroking the clitoris directly, bringing the user closer to an orgasm. The ultimate purpose of sex is pleasure, and utilizing objects on the vulva's outside may feel incredibly wonderful. She also advises utilizing sex pillows or sex furniture for ease of placement, which may also aid with pain alleviation. These same vibes can be utilized on nipples.
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