The capacity of your youngster to endure is a powerful indicator of future success
As parents, we see our children struggle to learn new skills at various ages and stages. Whether it's zipping their coat, tying their shoes, polishing lowercase letters, or learning to play the piano, their early lives are full with opportunities to give up.
However, research has indicated that a child's capacity to endure is one of the biggest indicators of future success. "I've found that perseverance is the No. 1 soft skill that separates kids who are highly motivated from those who give up easily," writes child psychologist Michele Borba for CNBC. Similarly, Angela Duckworth, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania and bestselling author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, has discovered in her research of students who have demonstrated long-term academic and life success, "that a combination of grit and self-control,
Praise effort rather than results
According to Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck's studies, children are less likely to continue when they are rewarded for their natural intellect ("You're so brilliant!") than than their efforts and involvement ("You worked so hard!" and "You were so motivated to finish this"). Praise your child for their hard work and devotion rather than their outcomes or a feature they cannot change, such as their IQ. (Continual praise for their brilliance increases their fear of failure, risk aversion, and a vested interest in only executing things that will not jeopardize their validity for being "smart.")
Encourage a developing mentality
A growth mindset, according to Dweck, is one in which students learn that their talents and abilities are not fixed but may be improved through hard effort, practice, and perseverance. (This differs from a "fixed mindset," in which children believe they were born with and are limited by a certain fixed amount of intelligence or talent.) When we model a growth mindset for our children and encourage them to persevere in the face of challenges, they will be more likely to weather setbacks and forge ahead. They will learn to accept hard effort and mistakes as a necessary part of the process, rather than as a sign that they should give up.
Set a good example (including the value of mistakes)
We may all benefit from hearing – and witnessing – that we are not alone. Allow your children to see you struggle with a new task or a difficult project and be honest about your missteps and mistakes; allow them to see you do things "wrong." Communicate that mistakes are opportunities for growth and learning so they can understand that resilience pays off and failure is not a permanent condition. Share tales about yourself or renowned athletes, inventors, artists, or historical individuals who didn't achieve their goals on the first (or tenth) try but persevered and finally succeeded.
Look for "just right" difficulties
While it is crucial for children to thrive in certain areas, they should also attempt projects that are slightly over their ability level. Your child's hobbies should be a combination of things that come naturally to them and those that are fairly challenging—just outside of their comfort zones. Set expectations that are neither excessively high (and consequently anxiety-inducing and practically impossible to achieve) nor too low (leading to boredom).
Positive self-talk should be taught
When kids—and, let's face it, many adults—don't do things right the first time, they may quickly deteriorate into negative self-talk. If your youngster is very critical of themselves, frequently saying things like, "I can't do it!" Teach them a positive substitute statement to say when they are frustrated, such as "I don't know anything." (Barbo refers to this as a "stick-to-it statement.") Things like, "It's OK to make mistakes," "Things don't have to be flawless," and "I'll get better with practice." Keep it short and simple, and have them say it out loud when they're irritated. (They may grumble and reject at first, but they may eventually come to accept it.)
Allow them to become frustrated
Allow your children to feel frustration. One of Barbo's top parenting principles is to "never do something for your children that they can handle on their own." While this isn't always practical (sometimes you simply need to get out the door), it's a good reminder not to save them at the first sight of trouble. Some hardship is necessary for children's development, and swooping in to finish or repair work for them encourages them reliance on you rather than self-sufficiency. While the idea is not to compel our children to participate in things they dislike in the long run, there is nothing wrong with a little short-term difficulties. "Don't be frightened of your child's sentiments of melancholy or frustration; this is how they build resilience," says VeryWellFamily.
Small victories should be celebrated
While some failure is unavoidable and beneficial, a youngster who experiences frequent failure will struggle to persist. Find modest victories to celebrate with your youngster to boost his or her confidence and spirits. Point out and celebrate little victories whenever you can, whether it's putting on the proper shoe, keeping their assignment legible, or remembering to fill out their reading log without prompting.
#Parenting #Fustration #Perseverance
SOURCE: lifehacker
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