Your relationship's termination may be messy, but it doesn't have to be that way
Whether it's a summer fling that's becoming clingy or a long-term relationship that's lost its luster, fall may feel like the ideal moment to call it quits and start again. But, when it comes time to cut out your ex-heart, soulmate's attempt to do so with as much grace and maturity as you can muster. The final act of a relationship can range from somewhat heartbreaking to full-on shitshow; however, if you avoid these seven deadly sins of breaking up, you may be able to avoid the worst of it.
Using the incorrect mode of communication
To show respect to the person you're leaving, traditional advise on breaking up is to avoid doing so over text or phone. This is normally sound advice, but if your safety is a concern—if you even believe your soon-to-be ex will become violent—ending the relationship via text, email, phone call, or restraining order is the best option. Personal safety takes precedence over all other considerations, and you are the most knowledgeable about your relationship and partner.
Attempting to maintain "friendship"
It is possible to be friends with an ex, but it is usually a lengthy process that necessitates complete no-contact for as long as it takes for both sides to completely separate. It's easier to just never see the person again, but if you want a friendship at some point, make it a clean break—no late-night calls, no social media, and try not to run into each other—otherwise you're just dragging things out and creating one of those strange half-relationships where no one is satisfied. After enough time has passed (my personal rule of thumb is no contact for twice the amount of time you were together), you can test the idea of being friends very lightly.
Not really believing it
We've all known the couple who split up and remarried several times. "Break-ups" that do not actually indicate the end of a relationship are usually tactics to argue or manipulate within it. And that's just awful. I understand that every love affair, FWB relationship, and marriage is nuanced and unique, but "fake-ups" are essentially dishonest and juvenile.
Concentrating on the other person rather than oneself
When your internal existence becomes completely entwined with someone else's, it can be difficult to consciously separate your identity from theirs, but that is the entire goal of ending things. So keep in mind that you are terminating things for your own reasons. You do not require their permission or cooperation. Similarly, your relationship will not end because your partner did something wrong. (I mean, I'm sure they did, but it's all in the framing.) They're terminating because you're tired of putting up with whatever they did.
You can only control yourself, so explain things accordingly. "I'm leaving because I no longer find this relationship gratifying" is not the same as "I'm leaving because I no longer find this relationship fulfilling."
Trying to persuade the other person to end the relationship
Ending a relationship, especially if it is toxic, is tough, messy, unpleasant, and emotionally draining, so it's understandable that practically everyone puts it off and/or drags it out for days, weeks, or even years. However, some people are so fearful that they try to put the emotional labor of splitting on their spouse by becoming huge assholes and forcing their hand. If you want to end things, take the initiative and do so; don't try to coerce your spouse into doing your emotional labor.
Being too honest/not being honest enough/being honest in the wrong way
It is difficult to know how much honesty you should show your partner while breaking up with them. This is not the time to list your soon-to-be ex's every flaw or recount every time you were cheated on. But it's also not fair to not provide an honest explanation for why you're terminating it. "I don't want to see you anymore because things are getting stale for me, and I want to see other people," is acceptable, however "I want to date your buddy because she's hotter than you" is not. Both are truthful, but the first is also respectful.
Being convinced to stay
If you've attempted to work things out with your significant other and realized that your relationship has reached its end point, be firm in your decision to end it. Big promises made to avoid the pain of a relationship ending are unlikely to be met, and while it may appear that avoiding breaking someone's heart is the decent thing to do, all you're really doing is kicking the can down the road and delaying the healing process for both you and your soon-to-be ex. So be kind, but also firm in your intentions.
#Relationship #BreakUp
SOURCE: lifehacker
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