Here's what you should and shouldn't say when ordering wine
We've all been there: you go out to a lovely restaurant with some friends, sink into your chairs in anticipation...and then the wine list appears in front of you, and you're suddenly having that dream in which you show up for your math test nude and everyone laughs at you.
Simply explained, there are two major reasons why wine is so difficult to master. One, no two wines are identical, and bottles of the same kind and category might be dramatically different; and two, there is no common vocabulary for wine. There may appear to be—and wine professionals (and amateur snobs) certainly make it appear to be—but we all taste wine differently. If you say you prefer sweet red wine, for example, those three simple words might signify completely different things to completely different people.
So, how do you choose a wine at a restaurant that you'll enjoy without tasting every wine on the menu or having a Ph.D. in wineology (which I believe is a thing)? While there is no definite formula that will guarantee wine paradise, you may come a lot closer if you know what to say and what to ask—and what not to.
Do Not Pretend you know more about wine than you actually do
The first rule of wine club is to acknowledge defeat as soon as possible. Don't pretend to know more about wine than you do, and don't be afraid to ask for the sommelier. If the restaurant does not have a resident wine specialist, get a recommendation from your waiter or bartender.
The meaning of "excellent" wine
For our purposes, "excellent" wine is any wine you prefer, so leave your ego and pretentiousness at the door. The only way to acquire a wine you like is to ask some questions, and if you're worried about appearing educated or worldly, it'll be a disaster.
So admit it: you only know what you like when it comes to wine. And there's no guilt in spending $6 on something you want at the grocery store.
Instead of taste, concentrate on body and tannins
Don't get too caught up with the flavor. A wine that reminds you of pears in the summer may remind someone else of nectarines with a hint of pine or some other taste characteristic. Wine is extremely personal, so odds are that your intimate, primitive reaction to a wine will be understood by someone else—even a skilled wine specialist.
Instead, concentrate on the wine's more objective characteristics. Body is a wonderful place to start—do you prefer wines that are light and transitory in your tongue, or wines that are heavy and "oily," and stay with you? Body may be compared to milk: light-bodied milk is skim, medium-bodied milk is whole milk, and full-bodied milk is cream. Simply doing this right will eliminate more than half of the wine list for you. Tannins are another reliable indicator: wines heavy in tannins give you the "puckery" sensation and a small bitterness, so you may tell your server how tolerable you are of that.
You would believe that the degree of fruit in a wine (as in "fruit forward") is objective, but most people confuse this with sweetness (see below), when it truly refers to the smell and flavor of sweet fruits, whereas "savory" or "earthy" wines will remind you of bitter fruits, such as cranberries. Knowing what sort of fruit you prefer as a snack might help you find a wine you'll appreciate.
Give examples of wines you know and enjoy
Choosing a wine is a discussion, and you must provide your conversation partner with the necessary information. Start with a wine you already know you like, even if it comes in a box. People who work in the wine industry are highly aware of the popular, mass-produced brands, so if you can tell them you adore Three Buck Chuck, it gives them something to work with. Again, worrying too much about "sounding sophisticated" is your adversary here—the more honest you are about your proletariat wine taste, the greater your chances of winning.
A good method is to snap a photo of the label every time you appreciate a wine and show the sommelier a handful of your favorite bottles. They'll most likely know at least a handful, and that will be all they need to find a taste-alike.
Understand the distinction between "dry" and "sweet" wines
You'd think that a word like "sweet" would be quite objective, but it isn't. Wine fans have some bizarre beliefs about what defines a "sweet" wine—you can order a "sweet red" and get something that doesn't seem sweet at all—because practically all wines are classified as dry, and calling a wine "fruity" doesn't always indicate it's sweet.
Order a dessert wine if you enjoy sweet wine in the sense of sugar. Yes, you can have dessert wine with your meal. After all, you're an adult who has most certainly eaten a candy bar for breakfast in the not-too-distant past. If you enjoy a little sweetness but don't want a dessert wine, the word "off dry" should steer your sommelier away from the drier wines and toward something with a little more residual sugar.
It should not be difficult to order wine at a restaurant. After all, wine is meant to be savored. There's no reason you can't discover something to enjoy if you focus on these simple criteria and follow the advise of the people who serve you.
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SOURCE: lifehacker
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